Company Policy - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder,
leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each
time a monkey tries to climb the ladder; all the monkeys are sprayed
with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempt to climb the ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he is not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he is attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed with ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
"AND THAT IS HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED".
Company Policy - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
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Showing posts with label Funny Workplace Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Workplace Jokes. Show all posts
Prison VS Work - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Prison VS Work - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
IN PRISON...you spend most of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks\locks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you carry around a security card and open them yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers.
AT WORK...they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend your life looking through bars wanting to get
out.
AT WORK...you spend your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
Prison VS Work - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
IN PRISON...you spend most of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks\locks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you carry around a security card and open them yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers.
AT WORK...they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend your life looking through bars wanting to get
out.
AT WORK...you spend your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
Prison VS Work - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Near sighted - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Near sighted - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Pauly says to Maury, his coworker, "I've become so near-sighted I almost worked myself to death."
Maury: "What does being nearsighted have to do with working yourself to death?"
Pauly: "I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work all the time."
Near sighted - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Pauly says to Maury, his coworker, "I've become so near-sighted I almost worked myself to death."
Maury: "What does being nearsighted have to do with working yourself to death?"
Pauly: "I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work all the time."
Near sighted - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
I need a raise - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
I need a raise - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."
I need a raise - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."
I need a raise - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Funny Workplace Jokes
Funny Workplace Jokes
Company Policy
Prison VS Work
Near sighted
I need a raise
Boss
Workplace Vocabulary additions
Funny Workplace Jokes
Company Policy
Prison VS Work
Near sighted
I need a raise
Boss
Workplace Vocabulary additions
Funny Workplace Jokes
Boss - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Boss - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
"That does it! I'm never going to work for him again!" "Why, what did he say to you?" "'You're fired!'"
Boss - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
"That does it! I'm never going to work for him again!" "Why, what did he say to you?" "'You're fired!'"
Boss - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Workplace Vocabulary additions - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Workplace Vocabulary additions - Funny Workplace Jokes - Funny Jokes
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace:
1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find your self unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.
Workplace Vocabulary additions - Funny Workplace Jokes- Funny Jokes
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace:
1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find your self unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.
Workplace Vocabulary additions - Funny Workplace Jokes- Funny Jokes
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