Crop-duster - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A crop-duster was asked by a friend how his day had gone.
"It was the worst day of my life," replied the man. "This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing of the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out. On my way home, I stopped off at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, 'Don't you have any cold beers?'"
The bartender said, "Sorry, but we've been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road."
"What could I say to that?"
Crop-duster - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
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Showing posts with label Funny Situational Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Situational Jokes. Show all posts
The Illinois Man - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
The Illinois Man - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
The Illinois Man - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
The Illinois Man - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Pig misunderstanding - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Pig misunderstanding - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Pig misunderstanding - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Pig misunderstanding - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Barber - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Barber - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"
"No I haven't. What's the problem?"
"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks.
"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Barber - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"
"No I haven't. What's the problem?"
"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks.
"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Barber - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Texan farmer travels - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Texan farmer travels - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
Texan farmer travels - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
Texan farmer travels - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Red shirt - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Red shirt - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates. Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?" The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirate in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."
Red shirt - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates. Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?" The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirate in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."
Red shirt - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Buying condoms - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Buying condoms - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and
have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,
the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner,
she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before,
so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist
helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything
there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks
he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers
to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down,
the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back,
"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Buying condoms - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and
have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,
the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner,
she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before,
so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist
helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything
there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks
he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers
to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down,
the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back,
"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Buying condoms - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Sound of the Drums - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Sound of the Drums - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"
Sound of the Drums - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"
Sound of the Drums - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Telephone conversation - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Telephone conversation - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
William Knott : Who's calling?
The answer to the telephone.
Watt : Watt.
William Knott : What is your name, please?
Watt : Watt's my name.
William Knott : That's what I asked you. What's your name?
Watt : That's what I told you. Watt's my name.
A long pause, and then from Watt,
Watt : Is this James Brown?
William Knott : No, this is Knott.
Watt : Please tell me your name.
William Knott : Will Knott.
Telephone conversation - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
William Knott : Who's calling?
The answer to the telephone.
Watt : Watt.
William Knott : What is your name, please?
Watt : Watt's my name.
William Knott : That's what I asked you. What's your name?
Watt : That's what I told you. Watt's my name.
A long pause, and then from Watt,
Watt : Is this James Brown?
William Knott : No, this is Knott.
Watt : Please tell me your name.
William Knott : Will Knott.
Telephone conversation - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Crashed plane - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Crashed plane - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site.
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.
"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten all of his comrades.
The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man... your plane only went down yesterday!"
Crashed plane - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site.
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.
"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten all of his comrades.
The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man... your plane only went down yesterday!"
Crashed plane - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Funny Situational Jokes
Funny Situational Jokes
Pig misunderstanding
Barber
Texan farmer travels
Red shirt
Buying condoms
Sound of the Drums
Telephone conversation
Crashed plane
Competition
Funny Situational Jokes
Pig misunderstanding
Barber
Texan farmer travels
Red shirt
Buying condoms
Sound of the Drums
Telephone conversation
Crashed plane
Competition
Funny Situational Jokes
Competition - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Competition - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!His friend says to him "You're crazy! There's no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" and the guy says, "I only have to out run you!"
Competition - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!His friend says to him "You're crazy! There's no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" and the guy says, "I only have to out run you!"
Competition - Funny Situational Jokes - Funny Jokes
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